It is imaginable that for anyone who enlightens the experience is the same, yet reading their stories in history don’t seem to resonate. Until, “everything” suddenly becomes different. Better. And so clear in mind.
In beginnings, a life no different than any other. Simple small town, farm boy. In a little part of the world nobody seemed to know even existed. A life driven by passion, learning, and helping. Often torn in the violent tides of man. Trying desperately, like us all, to keep our heads just out of water. Gasping for any breath of life. For our families, and finally, ourselves.
On December 31, 2018, at near the stroke of midnight. A man. This man. Fell to his knees on a thumb of land in St. Margaret’s Bay, Nova Scotia. Having exhausted all energies of life. Just completed giving all resources to the last penny in every direction of ask. Alone. Or so I thought…? Praying, “Please God! I urge your help! There is no place left on this earth for me to turn.” (in a river of tears) “I have spent my last days to work for any master on this earth! They are without fair or mercy! I am done!”
“I now give myself to you, oh Lord my God, for any task you would have of me. Any task!”
The Spark
Life was normal for a few days, but then something weird happened. My mind, while relaxing suddenly went into a whirl! A far and distant thought. One, I thought, out of reach of my mind. Not an information pack, but more like a place with reaching perspectives. My mind felt bigger. It glowed in a tingling sensation that made it more. Expanded.
Not knowing exactly what was going on, naturally, I fell into a panic. In internal variety. But it wasn’t going away. Then I tried to meditate. Clear my mind. Oops! That seemed like a mistake. It was getting worse. Much worse. I felt as if my head, particularly the limbic system responsible for emotions, was going to explode. I remembered the movie “Scanners” from the 80’s and well, back into panic mode. Those were horrible early teen visuals to remember. Wait!? How could I remember it so clearly and vividly? I was in an amplification. Some perspective of mind that made all feelings and memories greater. More vivid. Wow! Although some alarm at first, I was starting to see value in this new thing. Whatever it was.
Falling to prayer, research, meditation, and writing, a sort of “control mechanism” was established to deal with this persistent glow in my mind and brain. That’s when a series of insights and journeys of thought brought me to places I didn’t even know existed. And I hardly left my armchair. Although helpful, the meditations and prayer or anything would ever prepare me for what was to come next.
The Needle
Alone and meditating one night is when the journey truly began. My mind when to a place, far in reference only to up. And far. Farther than the sky and clouds, farther than the stars. A journey of a “glowing” mind began. Burdened with life. All of its passing. As if in a tunnel. A dark tunnel with many glowing shapes. Brightness in the distance. But only in a spec. Hardly to be seen. But felt. You know somehow it is warm and good, but there is so much dark in the way. Your life. Every shame, harm, and mischief marked. Remembered. Weighting your guilt. Your dishonor. Your unworthiness. Your failure.
Like a dark tar, the weight of your memories of life. All that you forgot, but didn’t. And all those harms to you or others that lay prominent in your heart. They now surface in a dark, bubbling tar that wants to keep you away from the spec. The light of warm. A dream of light tormented in the horror of it not being in reach. So close…
In an effort of arrogance. Of pure will of self. Of finding any glow of hope in the pulling tar intent on your demise. Your remaining. Your guilt! You find hope. You find peace. You let go!
The tar removes, slowly but surely. It moved over the head, down the torso, and to the legs. Still holding. Yet now, it is not in your mind. It is below you. You are almost free! Pulling. Desperately. With every piece of will. Like a cold tar moving toward the heat, it begins to fall away. You are free. It is gone! But not yet. A piece remains inside you. You spit it back to earth!
Immediately after freeing from the tar of Ego, the light was in, around and throughout me. The glow in the mind was free and without pain. I was forgiven. For everything! A clean slate! Free of guilt. Floating in a space of love and light. It seemed an eternity. Then I started to pull away. Toward the tar. Toward earth. But somehow, through someone, I was healed.
The Trials
We humans are rather selfish creatures. And the accumulation of that selfishness, I can tell you with great personal certainty, resides precisely in our limbic system. The seat of emotions that sits at the back of our brains. Where your brain meets your spine.
Well! I have heard of every kind of “ectomy” in the removal of organs, but I have never conceived of an “Ego-ectomy”! A rather surprising onslaught of pain. And an incredibly thorough procedure. From places you didn’t know or forgot existed. And mostly concentrated in that area that houses the “Ego”. You remember. That simple foundation in psychology advanced by Plato. The one we have dissected and derived to so many categories and threads that it is almost beyond recognition. Well when you remove it, hurts! A process made easier by a living death. A careful life of learning faith. And an open mind.
When an Ego is carefully removed, you can feel even the grass smiling back at you. It is truly a wonderful delight. But unfortunately, beyond the smiling grass is a world of pain. One that needs some careful and loving fixing. A big garden waiting for our best hands.
“If you ignore a pain, it may eventually kill you.”
“But, if you deal with a pain early, the prognosis can be much better.” – Egalinomics
